Being Down

Been so down lately I hate feeling like that.

Haven't been on twitter much and certainly haven't been blogging as I was going to delete my blog as I was just so down. I just wondered what I was doing and why and didn't really feel I had that much to say.

I guess even with mental health medication my mental health will always be there stuck out like a sore thumb for all to see. I have been on a lot of different medications over the years but these medications are the best I've been on to be honest what with the side effects. I do get some side effects and that is that my medication overwhelms me a lot and so normal day to day things can be like climbing up Mount Everest to me. Like I am now a very nervous driver but moons ago I used to drive all over the place in London and from Scotland to London and all over and now I am so nervous just to go anywhere and I hate that. Even typing this has me overwhelmed and it really is a horrible effect. One tablet I was on many years ago used to make me sweat profusely and it was rotten so some people would say I'm quite lucky with the side effects I have right now.

I did come off my tablets a few months back thinking it would make me better and the side effects would go and I could lose a bit of weight as these tablets make you put weight on sadly. I mean as if I haven't got enough to deal with I have to deal with eating and weight gain ugh. Well when I came off the tablets I felt okay for about a week and then just went into myself and went down very fast. It's a good job I went down when my husband was home as I was feeling suicidal that day and I told him about not taking my tablets. So I have been back on them for the past couple of months everyday and faithfully but I still feel down some days but at least it is just down and not fully down like I was that day.

It really is important to take medication as just stopping like I did is no good and just shocks the system. Believe me I want off the tablets but I will do it with doctors guidance next time. I just wish that there was no side effects with these tablets then I don't think I would have so many down days. Better a down day and a few side effects than to feel suicidal though.