mental health sucks

Had a few bad days with my mental health and have been feeling very down but I am starting to feel a little better now.

Went to register at my new doctors today and can't get an appointment to see the nurse until the 28th of this month and I'm running out of tablets so I am going to have to ring my old doctors in the morning to try and get an appointment to get some more medication to tie me over until I can get into my new doctors. The reason I am moving doctors is the new one is much closer to me as the other doctors I have to drive to and can just walk to the new one.

I guess I will have to go through my mental health issues with them again but I have the little doctors  sheet that shows all my medication so nothing should be a problem I hope.

I haven't lost anymore weight and have actually put a couple of pound back on but I am not eating anything that would do this and that sucks but the medication I am on puts weight on you they do say the tablets I am on are neutral and shouldn't affect weight but they do and I have heard the same thing said by a few people on the same tablets as me.

I shall be kicking my own butt to the gym this weekend as I haven't been in a few days and it is much needed.

Feeling Poorly

So I haven't blogged in a couple of days due to flu like symptoms and bug symptoms yuck I felt so ill yesterday and was unconscious most of the day and my hubby had to take a day off to look after me. Felt like I was dying but so glad to feel a bit better today although feeling a bit weak.

So I haven't been to the gym but I have lost 8 lbs its early days still yet but I'm on the right track at the moment. I haven't craved any sweets or mega fatty foods yet but I am sure it will come soon and thats when the test of this diet really starts.

I hate feeling ill it really knocks things out of kilter doesn't it luckily today I was strong enough to get up and have a shower which was needed.

Mentally I am feeling okay which is something to cheer about anyway as usually I am pretty down but have been feeling not to bad lately. I hate having mental health illness never knowing how I am going to be feeling from one day to the next it really sucks.

Just a quick blog to say I am still here just been ill

hairdo disaster

So recently I had long hair and it was growing nicely but saw this really lovely haircut that Demi Moore had in Ghost and I got my bee in a bonnet about it and really wanted it thinking I can pull that off! Well I went to the hairdressers and she just started randomly chopping into my hair and it turned out a right hot mess did I complain nope. I usually use a home hairdresser who is great but she had been ill that is why I went to the salon to have it cut.

So I went home dejected and thought I need to straighten this mess out and used my normal hairdresser who by now was feeling better. Well she was less than impressed when she saw my hair and tried to sort it out for me but it just got shorter I am now furiously trying to grow it out and it just looks a hot mess still. My greys are through and my self esteem has hit rock bottom because of it.

I can't use normal hair dye as I suffer anaphylactic shocks when using it so I have to use a herbal vegan hair dye called Artic Fox now don't get me wrong its good but its not as good as normal dye at covering your greys and it washes out within about two weeks and its pretty expensive to buy. So I've recently given up dying it for a while and all my greys have come through and I'm feeling pretty old looking to be honest.

I have never felt so down about a haircut ever but what's done is done and all I can do is wait for it to grow out which it is doing slowly. I want to use a hair shampoo called FAST but even this is very expensive to buy and I cannot afford it right now. Whenever I do a selfie I use a filter now as I am totally embarrassed of my hairdo and it just doesn't suit me at all.

My hair is also very thin and just doesn't have the coverage that thick hair does so this cut doesn't suit me at all my hairdresser is always reminding me of my thin hair which also doesn't help! I have tried all sorts of shampoo but I can never get it bouncy or thick. I am now skipping having my haircut for a while and just letting it grow out as always I shall keep you updated on my journey mentally and physically and how my hair is progressing through out the year! Heres to a longer barnet by Christmas 2020!

smoking

I smoke I know its disgusting but its one of my favourite things to do and the other night my hubby told me that they are stopping menthol cigarettes for good in May of this year so I thought the time might be right to quit the cigs when the menthol cigs get the boot, May might seem a long way off for some but its not for me so that is when I plan to give up. I just can't smoke normal cigarettes they make me gag.

I do know of all the health implications when smoking as I have some cause of smoking myself I can feel it when walking up stairs and feel out of breath its no good is it. I have given up before when I've had my children and I have stopped for quite a while a few years back so I know I can do it but I may need a little help this time around like a spray or gum but I will give up this year I am determined to.

Well on to other things and I have lost another 2lb probably just water weight at the moment but its a step in the right direction and its giving me a boost so I am logging it on my weight watchers diary. I should do a weigh in once a week but those scales keep calling out to me each flaming day to get on them its become a bit of an obsession so thats another thing that I will have to quit doing.

Breaking the cycle of things is hard isn't it I know as I like to watch YouTube and read the comments on one of my favourite you tubers whilst I eat and that usually entails eating comfort food whilst doing it but I am trying to get myself out of that cycle now and break the comfort eating I feel when watching it.

Mentally I am feeling better at the moment but this usually changes day to day I am at my most vulnerable of an evening for some reason. Throughout the day I can keep myself busy and watch some tv and housework but by night time I am usually settling down and that is when I feel at my weakest. I have decided that this is probably the best time to go to the gym.
As always I will keep you updated tomorrow I shall be talking about my hair and the disastrous hair cut I had recently amongst other things!

2020

So 2020 is here and wishing you all a happy new year.

I had a couple of drinks New Years eve and boy did I regret it the day after I just cannot handle my drink anymore since having my gall bladder out its a good job I rarely drink so that could possibly be why also! As I have always stated I am a lousy drunk!

All our decorations are down it just felt like 2019 Christmas went on forever as some people had their decs up since November it just felt so long for me, it just gets earlier every year after halloween. Our 9 year old got given monopoly for xmas and I think I am monopolyed out to be honest god that game goes on forever I'm sure we played a three hour game on New Years! Its not your normal monopoly game either its a LOL Surprise monopoly and so some of the game changes from the original which makes it even more confusing!

Heres hoping 2020 is going to be a better year for me as 2019 sucked I just put so much weight on and generally felt down the whole year.

I have kicked off the new year on my diet its early days at the moment but have lost 1lb already as I said I have joined weight watchers so I can keep track of my food and weight and hoping to start up my running again very soon I am going to the gym of course also! I used to run all the time a few years back and have completed two marathons and countless half marathons and 10ks I have lots of bling but since my surgeries on my gall bladder and hand I kind of got a bit down and so the past few years have been trying to get my head better mentally than trying to run. But I am determined this year I will start again I am hoping going to the gym will kick start me. I am waiting on some new running trousers also hoping they will fit as most of my gear which I have loads of doesn't fit me right now. I shall as always keep you updated on my journey mentally and physically.